make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
