I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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