Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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