I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
