So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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