i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
