I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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