your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
