i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
