This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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