I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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