Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
