when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Small penises have feelings too.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
