Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
