umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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