I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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