New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
