Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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