You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
