She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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