You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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