is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
