Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
