Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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