aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
