There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
