and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
