dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
