This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
