bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
