First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
