and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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