You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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