they're like a gay fantastic four
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
