We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
