some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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