why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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