last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
