remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
