I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
