I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
