Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
