I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
