the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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