was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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