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You're my little dorito
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
