dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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