at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
