JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
