yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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