xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
sarcasm needs its own font
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
