How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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